ebb and flow

10.27.2011
yesterday  was weird. I started out  feeling super ecstatic and happy about life then found myself in the grip of depression. It’s crazy how quickly and easily my brain can slide into this state.

As I’ve been experiencing this I’ve been trying my best to observe it, rather than jump right into the middle of it’s drama. It feels like a wave. A rising and falling, an ebb and flow. If I can figure out how to just ride the wave and remember that it will eventually subside I think I will be o.k. The problems arise when I hop on a boat that is going to the Island of Self-Loathing. And that happened yesterday, too. It always does. But it seems like I am able to jump that ship in a more timely way than I used to. So that’s good.

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5 thoughts on “ebb and flow”

  1. I have bouts of that too. I don’t do anything to curb it when I’m low. I like allowing myself to wallow, and experience everything in my low point. A self-indulgence, if you will. Then when I’m at a high point, I go as high as I possibly can. Not one emotion takes precedence over the other. Because how you can savor the high when you have no low to compare it to? In the same way, I don’t try to force myself to think positive thoughts when I’m negative, and vice versa. I think it’s my personal intrepretation of the yin-yang thing.

    1. Winnie, I love that! I think it’s a good way to deal with it. I do believe in feeling whatever it is I am feeling, really experiencing it and not ignoring any of it. I think that is what this whole “riding the wave” of it is. I have to be careful because I can really get into some very dark places in my head. But I don’t know, maybe that’s o.k. too? Maybe it’s all something I need to deal with and face head on.

      1. Ditto. I go as dark and morose as I can get, then somehow, my inner voice kicks in and says : “Aren’t you sick and tired of feeling so down all the time? You’re kinda over-doing it now, y’ know? Let’s snap out of this before it gets really pathetic.” Then I do. Because, hey, when it gets to a point where you can’t even stand your own company, something’s gotta give..hahaha :)

  2. ah yeah, definitely know those feelings. the best i can do now is try to keep persepective, try to see the long-run and also not beat myself up for sinking into the lows at times. as long as i’m not hurting anyone else, then i give myself a pass now and then.

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