2009: A year that changed my life


Here we are, another year later. It has been bittersweet. It was the best and the worst year of my life all at the same time. It has been a year that has changed me forever.

Up until a month ago I would have said that this was one of the best years of my life. I turned 40, and while that could have been scary and terrible, I have decided to look at my Forties as the prime of my life. Because, really, it is. I feel really good about myself and have more confidence than I have ever had. I have thought a lot about my life and what, exactly, I want out of it. What is important and what isn’t. At 40 I think that this phrase sums up my thoughts on life: “wherever you go, there you are.” In other words, I’m not going to be happy trying to run to or away from things. I am not going to be happy getting things. Happiness is always there, accessible within me all the time.

That said, I am proud of myself for picking myself up out of Spokane and finding a place to live that I love. As much as I tried to find happiness in Spokane I realized that I needed to be somewhere else. I don’t know what it is about that town that oppresses me so much but it always has, even growing up there. I loved the friends I made there, and I love my family. But the vibe of the town doesn’t jibe with me. I do believe that cities have certain “voices” or “vibes” or whatever you want to call it. Spokane doesn’t do it for me. But this little town of Sandy does. I love it here and am so happy to be living here. I feel so blessed. I love living so close to Mt. Hood and I love seeing its beauty everyday (well, when it’s clear out). So in that sense, I feel like 2009 treated me very well.

However, this is the year I lost my step-dad. This has been the most devastating and painful experience of my life. It is still so raw and I tear up whenever I think about it. I still can’t believe he’s gone, even after watching him die. So that part of 2009 completely sucked horribly. But I also learned things from that experience that have changed me forever. I learned about Karma. I learned that in the end, things don’t matter, money doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is love. Doug was a very giving and loving person and he left this world with his family and friends by his side. That’s karma. I also learned that there might be something beyond this life. I know that sounds all weird and metaphysical and I understand that this is very debatable. But this experience with Doug made me think about the afterlife a little bit differently than I have in the past.

So that was my 2009. I hope that next year is filled with less drama.

I don’t have any resolutions but I do want to do one thing. Learn how to play the banjo. I finally got my banjo last night and I can’t wait to learn. I declare 2010 The Year of the Banjo!

Hope you all have a happy and peace-filled New Year.