it’s the little things

Books, Music, Art, Movies

O.K. I’ll admit it. I struggle with depression sometimes. I’m sure this isn’t a huge revelation to anyone who knows me or has read my blog for any length of time. But sometimes I just have to admit to myself that I’m depressed. And sometimes this depression can lead me down some very dark roads. And it really sucks, as those of you who go through it know.

Yesterday was one of those days. I couldn’t seem to pull myself the fuck out of it. it was like falling into a pit of oozing mud and I just slid further and further in and the more I tried to get out the further in the hole I got. Oh god, and then there is that inner critic. Do you have that “inner critic?” I think we all do. Well, mine is a heartless, cruel, bastard.

Anyway, So I woke up still feeling a bit like crap. I meditated and that helped immensely. I exercised. That helped too. Then I went through my morning internet ritual of checking e-mail, twitter, facebook. Someone posted a video of Earth Wind and Fire‘s September on twitter and I can’t even begin to tell you how happy it made me feel. The sun was coming up and it was going to be a beautiful day and here was this song that took me straight back to the happiness of my childhood in the Seventies. It was wonderful. It was like a gift from the universe. And how awesome that these little gifts are delivered by other beings (human or animal, or even just things in nature) in this universe?

It just makes me realize how connected we all are. We can help each other in ways we don’t even realize. I love that. this person on Twitter that has no idea I exist made me very happy today. I hope that I can do the same thing for someone who needs it someday.

What if…



The other day a friend on Facebook posted a link to a hang gliding school in Eastern Washington and exclaimed that he was going to try it out this Summer. Then another friend said that she wanted to try it, as well. I took one look at the link and thought to myself, “there is no fucking way I would ever try that.” I didn’t write that though. I said something like, “I don’t think so but it looks fun. I wish I had the guts to do something like that.”

I thought about what I said. “I wish I had the guts to do something like that.”

I was running the following morning and while I was running I was wondering why I didn’t have the guts to do that. Then I realized how fearful I am of so many things, and how that fear gets in the way of the enjoyment of life sometimes.

So, I thought to myself, “What if I dedicated the rest of my life to facing my fears? What if that is what my life is about, from now on?”

What is fear, anyway? It’s just a feeling. It’s a feeling that gets way more power than it deserves.

So. What if?