Oh I wish I could tell the the 2009 Monica…


Mt. Hood from Jonsrud Viewpoint in Sandy, OR.

As I mentioned previously, when I moved my blog to WordPress.com I lost all of the categories and  tags to every. single. blog post I’ve ever written here. How long have I had this blog? Since January 2003. So yeah. Lots of updating and cleaning up for Miss Monica (because I compulsively have to catalog and organize. I am a librarian. That is what we do.)

The process has been interesting though. I’ve actually taken the time to read the posts. I am shocked at how much I have changed. How much has changed. My surroundings, My whole life. I was reading some of my posts from 2009.  I was so sad and depressed. Living in Spokane, I felt like such a fish out of water. I never could figure out why, and I still can’t. But I just never felt like I belonged there. I was on the wrong track, or something.

I still suffer from depression, don’t get me wrong. I will probably always have to fight that demon.

But I wish I could go back in time and tell the Monica from 2009 that things will get better. And so soon! In a matter of months I would be moving away and I would be living in Sandy and I would be so happy to be in a place where I feel at home again. Of course, I would have to deal with saying goodbye with Doug, which was horrible. But otherwise, things are pretty great now.

As I read these old posts they transport me back in time. I remember how badly I wanted to get out. We made so many plans but I never really thought they would ever come to fruition. I thought I would be stuck living my ghost-like existence  in Spokane forever. But then I log off of my computer, open the door and step outside, and look East and I see Mt. Hood and I am so fucking stoked. I am home.