Tell me about a relationship that ended*


Impermanence (Photo credit: Licorice Medusa)

There are so many sad memories associated with the end of relationships. My experience is that I will hold on until the bitter end. I can’t seem to say goodbye. I have a problem with goodbyes.

When Doug was breathing his last breath My mom was saying goodbye to him, telling him it was o.k. to go. Giving him permission to go. So he did. He slipped away. And as he slipped away I kept saying, “no” to myself and I even let this thought slip through my lips. I said, “no”  out loud. I couldn’t bear to see him go. But he did anyway.

I am terrible with goodbyes. I want things to last forever. Maybe this is my koan. Impermanence. I have a difficult time with impermanence, in all of its forms.

*I found this draft in my WordPress Dashboard.  It is a writing exercise from the book Old Friend From Far Away by Natalie Goldberg. I realized that exercises from this book might make good blog fodder since this blog is, essentially, one big giant memoir. Good idea? Good idea.