Blatherskite

Foolish gibberish

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about

I am a Children’s Librarian living in the Portland, Oregon area. When I am not Children’s Librianing I like to play with cameras and film. I also like playing the ukulele, knitting, sketching, and hiking.

  • on a happier note

    The Junker Building
    The Junker Building in Sandy. Taken today on my break.

    I was reading over some of my recent posts and, wow. it could be construed that I’m a complete wreck. I’m actually not at all. I’ve been feeling pretty good lately. despite the weather and the fact that soon it will be the anniversary of Doug’s death. I’ll admit I do get a little bit down sometimes when I think about it but I think these are normal feelings. I do plan to write a few more posts about these feelings before the month is over.

    But otherwise things are really good!

    One of these good things is my health. I’ve been really inspired by Kate’s transformation and finally decided to make some changes in my own life, health wise. When my dad was visiting in October he mentioned that he joined Weight Watchers and that he was having some success with it. I thought about it and decided to sign up online. The first week was really difficult. I had to really change the way I eat. But once I figured it all out it’s been a breeze. I’ve lost about 11 pounds since I joined in mid-October. So. yay!

    I also re-committed to running and feel like I’m going at it pretty strong. I was in a pretty good running groove up until last Summer when I got bronchitis. But I  jumped back into it and it feels really good. I’m finally back up to running 3 miles. My goal is 5. So that’s what I’m working on now. I’m REALLY looking forward to trail running this Spring. I guess I could go now but I’m not super thrilled with running in the rain. But it’s probably not a bad experience. I’m not sure what I’m afraid of. It’s just rain.

    One thing that I have been trying to incorporate is the aspect of mindfulness while eating. I’ve been paying close attention to how my body feels before, during, and after I eat. This has seemed to help me in the process.

    Also, I have a severe addiction to sweets. This has been the biggest thing for me to overcome. But the way I’ve been able to get through it has been to tell myself that I don’t have to eat them. If someone brings cookies to work there is no law that says I have to eat it. Or there is no law that says I have to eat an entire cookie. I can have half a cookie. Somehow this little mantra has helped me overcome this addiction to sweets. I have no idea why. Perhaps it’s the realization that I have control over what I put into my body.

    So. Yes. Good things going on over here. Hope things are good for you too!

  • Born to Run

    Born to Run has been recommended to me a few times in the past few months so I thought I should pick it up. I finally started listening to the audio version of the book yesterday and I could barely stop listening. It’s an excellent book! At least so far. It’s about the author, Christopher McDougall’s search for the Tarahumara Indians in Mexico. A search that began with a visit to his physical therapist when he was having foot pain from running three miles every other day. The doctor’s suggestion was to stop running. McDougall didn’t accept this as an answer. He was drawn to running; the primal aspect of it. The fact that running is what we do when we are both very afraid of something and it is what we do when we are ecstatic (look at kids running around on a playground).

    I still have to read most the book but I’m really enjoying it so far. I find myself drawn to running for these exact reasons. I’ve been  runner for most of my life, sidelined by injury much of the time as well.

    Reading this first chapter made me think about my own running history and what I personally like about it. What keeps me coming back.

    I was introduced to running by my parents. They were both avid runners back in the seventies when running was the big thing. I saw how it made them feel and I wanted some of those good feelings myself. So I was enrolled in a rotary track club when I was in fourth grade.  I loved it. I wasn’t much into the “field” part of track and field. It was more the track that I loved. I tried various things. I started with the hurdles and liked it until I tripped on one and decided I wanted nothing more of that. So I focused on sprinting. I ended up excelling in the 100 yard and the relays. I was forced to pick a field event so I chose the long jump because it gave me another excuse to run fast.

    And I was fast. I still remember the feeling I got when I was sprinting. It was amazing. It was like I entered this state where my legs would disconnect with the rest of my body and just took on a life of their own. I would let them fly. And they did. And I would win race after race after race.

    It was kind of funny. Before a race would start the other girls would size each other up. I could feel them looking at me and thinking, “I’ve got nothing to worry about with this one” and I would smile to myself. Then the gun would sound and I would beat them. And they would look at me with astonishment and think “what the hell just happened?” I would would kind of wonder the same thing. I normally didn’t have much self confidence so the fact that I was actually good at this was kind of surprise.  It felt good to win.

    So I was in track through elementary school and when I got to junior high the track coach stopped me and said, “you’re joining the team, right?” and I told him I would. But you know what? I didn’t. I didn’t because there was this girl who joined track who was  a bully and I felt intimidated by her so I chickened out. I’ve regretted the decision ever since. I joined track in high school my freshman and and junior years but it was never the same. I had lost that wonderful feeling I got when I would sprint and let my legs fly.

    So I guess that’s why I run. It’s THAT feeling. that letting go and letting your body do what it was made to do.

  • Time Machine

    I’m in one of those moods where I feel like crawling inside a box and hiding for the rest of my life which is not very conducive to blogging about myself everyday.

    So today I thought I would take a look back and see what was going on a year ago.

    Checking the Flickr Time Machine…hold on….

    Ah yes. Here is a picture from that day.

    Orange Shrooms

    I would say that Oregon wins the prize for the Most Colorful Mushrooms.

    This was the day we explored McIver State Park near Estacada. I remember feeling about the same way then as I feel now. The rain was starting to get me down a little bit. Doug was in the hospital and I was worried about him. He has been admitted to the hospital for a collapsed lung Friday of that weekend and was supposed to be released the following Monday. He wasn’t. He kind of went downhill fast after that.

    This Flickr Time Machine was a GREAT idea! I feel so much better!

    I’m going to go find something fun to do today. Have a good one, yourself!

  • This is all I can do today

    This is all I can do today

     

    Happy Sunday.

  • Zazenkai

    Zazenkai

    I mentioned that I would blog about my first zazenkai experience.

    Since most of us in our little group are new to the practice of meditation it was decided that we would do a shorter version. So we planned for 6 hours. There was a very organized schedule. We, essentially, did zazen for 30 minutes followed by walking meditation for 30 minutes. We also had a lunch break scheduled as well. the idea is to spend the day without speaking or engaging anyone in any conversation. The point is to just be very mindful in everything that is done, from sitting and breathing, to walking around, even down to eating the meal. During the zazen we each took turns reading something out loud. I read that poem “The Guest House” that I shared earlier this month.

    I was really nervous about going. I have never done anything like this. I was really leery about not being able to talk to anyone all day. I spend all day every day talking. I like talking and being sociable. So I wasn’t sure about how I would like being around my friends all day and not being sociable with them. But, I was willing to try it out. It kind of felt like the right thing to do.

    It turned out to be an incredible experience.

    The readings that were chosen by everyone were amazing. One of our group plays the native american flute and instead of reading something she thought she would play for us instead. I can’t even begin to tell you how awesome it was. Seriously. There are no words to describe it. One of the guys pretty much nailed it when he said, “That was a Dharma teaching.” And he is so right. I love how music can just transcend our intellect and speak directly to our soul. that’s exactly what happened.

    Since I sat there all day and had nothing else to do, my mind wandered a lot.  I sort of went through all kinds of emotions.  Everything that has been bothering me I had to deal with because there it was, bubbling up to the surface of my mind.  At one point I remember thinking, “wow. is this that still point everyone is talking about?” But no. I was just starting to doze off.  It was actually a very peaceful, lovely feeling. Do you ever notice how it feels when you drift off to sleep? That feeling right before you are asleep? I had never noticed it before. It’s a really lovely feeling.

    My profound realization at the end of the day? this is it:

    It was just me sitting on a cushion.

    There was nothing weird or overly spiritual about at all.  It was a day spent looking outside at the water droplets on the leaves. Or tasting my chicken stew and picking out the flavors of the vegetables. Or feeling the way my foot moves across the carpet when I walk. It was just me sitting on a cushion. Breathing.