Why can’t we give love that one more chance


via Daily Prompt: Overwhelming

I’ve been obsessing and worrying a lot lately. There have been lots of tears. There have been lots of dark moments. I’m working extra hard  keeping myself on level ground. I feel like I can’t afford to fall into a hole that is impossible to dig myself out of.

I realized that I need a project. I need to give my brain something to do to keep it from worrying about the future. I keep coming back to sketching, which  is perfect because it is just enough of a challenge for me to keep my brain occupied. At some point I will, once again, get back into a daily drawing habit (why is it so hard for me to stick with it?!?) However, I realized that I kind of already have a project that I can do, that is much easier for me to jump right in to. It’s this blog. This blog has been with me through thick and thin. Through Bush and Obama. Writing has been the way I sort though thoughts. It has been my trusty companion my entire life.

So I am going to work through these tough times by blogging everyday. I don’t know what that is going to look like. It might be messy some days. It might be uplifting. It might just be a song, or a photo, or something that particularly touched me that day.

I’m hoping, mostly, that it will be a way for me to connect with you, because the last thing anyone should do during this time isolate.

The song Under Pressure made me happy twice today. It randomly played while I was running and also while I was getting ready for work. It is one of those songs that always fills me with hope when I hear it. And because I love a good coincidence, I can’t help but think that the Universe is trying to tell me something.

Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you
No man ask for

Under pressure
That brings a building down
Splits a family in two

Puts people on streets

Um ba ba be
Um ba ba be
De day da
Ee day da – that’s okay

It’s the terror of knowing
What the world is about
Watching some good friends

‘Let me out’
Pray tomorrow gets me higher

Pressure on people people on streets

Day day de mm hm
Da da da ba ba
Chipping around – kick my brains around the floor
These are the days it never rains but it pours
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap

People on streets
ee da de da de
People on streets
ee da de da de da de da

It’s the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
‘Let me out’

Pray tomorrow – gets me higher

Pressure on people people on streets

Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don’t work

Keep coming up with love
But it’s so slashed and torn
Why – why – why?
Love love love love love
Insanity laughs under pressure we’re breaking

Can’t we give ourselves one more chance
Why can’t we give love that one more chance
Why can’t we give love give love give love give love
Give love give love give love give love give love

Because love’s such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the (People on streets) edge of the night
And loves (People on streets) dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
Under pressure

A life.

Life, Writing

Self portrait

I am visiting my family on Lake Pend o’Reille in Idaho. I am about to enter the Literature program at UCSC and am reading my first homework, “The Sorrows Of Young Werther.” Quite possibly the most depressing book I’ve ever read.
Me when I was a baby
In 5th grade I bring this photo to school for a project. My teacher gushes, “look at that chubby baby.” I am mortified.

I put on my first pair of bifocals.


A hat and scarf I knit for my Sister In law a long time ago.
I am living in Santa Cruz, California and knitting wool hats and scarves.


I am a nanny in Menlo Park, CA for a high-powered lawyer and I live in an incredible house. I am finishing up a roll of film and decide to take a self portrait with the last shot on the roll.

I begin the last year of my thirties.


Me at cannon beach
I am on Cannon Beach digging clams.


Me wearing my new scarf
I am living in Spokane, Washington, standing in the yard of the house we just purchased.

Holga Selfie
I am in a Hotel room in Newport wasting time with a Holga by taking a selfie while waiting for my husband to finish his run.


*prompt found on this week’s Daily Post.

Think Global, Act Local

Photography, Writing

“Think Global, act local.” Write a post connecting a global issue to a personal one.


My take on this is different from what is probably meant by the author of this prompt. Hopefully it won’t seem shallow. On the surface it might seem that way but I believe there is something very profound going on. It is hard for me to express exactly what that is at this point. I think the idea is still percolating inside of me.

Before I go on I need to say that I do believe in the classic sentiment of “Think global, act local.” I believe that it is important to do your part to make sure our world is livable for future generations. It can be an overwhelming endeavor and sometimes I don’t really even know where to start. Throwing that glass bottle in the recycling bin feels so empty when I look up at Mt. Hood and see the lack of snow on it in the summer (when 20 years ago there was so much more of it). It feels like my small act does nothing. I am told that it does, but it’s hard for me to see that. But I do believe very much in the spirit of this statement and I will continue to do my part.

Ok, with that out-of-the-way, here is what instantly bubbles to the surface of my gray matter when I read this statement:

The film photography community.

It took me awhile to realize there was a global community of film photographers. I kept seeing this “believeinfilm” tag on everything but didn’t really think anything of it. Eventually I figured it out and started connecting with people. These connections continue to grow everyday and it seems like it has taken on a life of it’s own. It’s amazing. I am meeting really incredible (and creative) people all over the planet. And they are good people! Good souls. I feel like I have found my tribe, if that makes any sense at all. For the first time in my life I feel like I fit in somewhere. I have never felt this before. I have always been the square peg trying to fit into a round hole.

I think about the fact that this is such a far reaching global community of people. I am kind of blown away by this when I think about it. Only in this day and age could this happen, thanks to the internet and social media. The internet has brought this group of people all over the world together. How incredible. I think about the fact that I can have a real time conversation with somebody on the other side of the globe and it blows my mind. I’m sure that this is because I am old enough to know what things were like before the internet, so I can appreciate the technology. I imagine this is how people felt when the telephone was invented :). But not only can I converse with one person I can converse with groups of people who live in far reaching corners of the world. This is the part that is really cool, I think. I often have dreams about Twitter and FB. In my dreams Twitter is this really cool house party and I am hanging out with all of my Twitter friends and having a great time.

I think this global community is a beautiful thing. We are people who are drawn together by an interest – film photography, and we support each other in our creative endeavors. Instead of tearing each other down we support each other. How awesome is that? Why can’t the rest of the world be like that?

When a group of people are supporting each other in a positive way globally it affects an individual on a local level. Because of my positive interactions with my film photography friends I go out into the “real world” and spread that positivity around to others around me. And maybe some of this positivity will help me feel less overwhelmed about my small part in taking care of the planet too.

Because love is a recursive function. When you give it it multiplies and spreads out in ways we don’t even see.

Note: The photo above is from my first film swap with Brendan from Aware of the Void. I think these film swaps play into these thoughts that I have on this global connection, but I will write more about that in a later post.  You can see more film swap photos here

Weekly photo challenge – layers

Don't forget to floss

So many layers of ick.

This week the WordPress Weekly Challenge theme is layers. Here is what Sara had to say about the subject:

Layers. Layers can reveal, conceal, and make something more complex. They can vary in size, texture, color, or functionality. Each layer can have its own story, meaning, or purpose. They can overlap, blend, or be distinctly separate. A layer doesn’t have to be a part of a single object but can even be a slice of a multifaceted image or scene.

As I combed through my Flickr archive I realized this photo would be perfect for this challenge. This is the Gum Wall of Seattle, Washington ( I wrote a bit about it on Pinhole Obscura).Sometime in the nineties bored theater patrons waiting in line started sticking their gum to the outside walls in the alley. Eventually it became a thing and the phenomenon that it is today.

The gum wall is oddly mesmerizing. It’s disgusting, no doubt. But there is something fascinating about the collaborative effort.

This photo was taken with my Canon EOS 650 and Fuji Neopan 400. I am down to one last roll of this wonderful film. I am kind of thinking I might switch to something else for awhile. What is your favorite black and white film?


Weekly Photo Challenge: The World Through Your Eyes


self portrait in a hotel room mirror

I took my Holga Pinhole camera with me to the beach a couple of weekends ago. I experimented something fierce all weekend and had a blast.

This week’s WordPress Photo Challenge is “World through your eyes.” The idea is to put some of the basic principles of photography to practice: Storytelling & composition.

My favorite part of photography is the storytelling element. This is something I have struggled with, personally, in my work. I have striven for it but I feel like I always fall a little short when I compare myself with others.

I feel like I kind of get it now that I have picked up pinhole photography. I think it is because everything is stripped down to the bare minimum (the only thing one has to think about is exposure time). My mind is free to focus on composition and storytelling. I am having fun with it and I feel like it has opened up a whole new world for me creatively. I am buying a fancier pinhole camera this weekend with money from the sale of my digital camera. I am probably way more excited about this than a normal person should be!

On a sort of related note: I reinvigorated my Tumblr. It has been reborn as a place where I am sharing my adventures in film photography. I am trying to share at least one photo a day there. Feel free to follow me over there of you are interested in this sort of thing.