A photo and some rambling thoughts

Photography

First, more pinhole in the library!

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This is one of the photos I printed to have hanging in the library this month. The photos were hung the other day and it was really awesome to come to work to find my photos the ones featured on our art wall. Kind of surreal, actually. In an wonderful way. 🙂

Now for the musical soundtrack for this post. Honestly, this should be a different blog post because the song has nothing at all to do with the photo. The only reason I’m posting it is because it’s been an earworm for me the past couple of days. I woke up crying yesterday with this song stuck in my head after a dream in which David Bowie made an appearance. I am not sure what it was all about but it did leave me feeling sad and foggy brained all day yesterday. I am feeling much happier today but have been thinking about what was going on in my head yesterday. I realized that this week (a couple of days ago) marks the 8 year anniversary of my stepfather’s death, so I think there has been some sadness seeping through. Which is totally fine. As I was on the elliptical machine today I thought: you know, I hope I never stop feeling sadness for those that I love who have passed on. They deserve to be remembered and missed.

And now the song. It’s a great song.

Geeky Bits
Camera: Holga PC
Film: Ektar 100
Exposure Time: 7 minutes

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first photos

Life

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Here is another one from the archives, from my series of first photos.

This is one of my all time favorite photos. I love that my brother is sticking his tongue out at me as I take the photo. Doug and mom look like they want to sell us to the circus. Also, I totally dig the way the composition is shifted to the left, clearly I didn’t understand how to compensate for the viewfinder of whatever camera I was using (what camera was I using?!?).

I took this (I think) at Glacier Park. I think this was right before Doug and my mom were married. That Doug still married my mom after enduring my brother and I that week shows how epic his love for her was ;).

I remember fighting constantly with my little brother that trip, and listening to Duran Duran incessantly.

Happy birthday Doug

Life

Today is my stepdad’s birthday. He passed away in 2009 and I still miss him. I’ve been thinking about him lately because he appeared in my dream a few nights ago. For the life of me, I can’t remember what it was about. I’ve been thinking a lot lately (for some reason) about watching him die, and what a profound (and painful) experience that was.

Here is a photo from Dublin in April of last year. One of the things I really wanted to do was find Doyle’s Pub in his honor.

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Just an old, sweet song

Music

On my walk home from work last night “Georgia On My Mind” played on the iTunes. I love this song, in all of it’s versions. But my favorite is Willie Nelson’s version. This was my stepdfather’s favorite song and when I hear it I think of him.

This song, for me, evokes twilight on a warm Summer evening. So let this be my submission for this week’s Daily Post Photo Challenge: Half Light. Here is a photo of last night’s sunset.

“Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear. She didn’t want to do that. It seemed too aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly. But the teacher said she had to do it and gave her the instructions for the battle. The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful. They both had their weapons. The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked, “May I have permission to go into battle with you?” Fear said, “Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission.” Then the young warrior said, “How can I defeat you?” Fear replied, “My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.” In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear. ”
Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

This day 6 years ago I faced the scariest, most heart-breaking thing I have ever experienced in my life. I sat at the bedside of my step-father as he died. It was frightening to watch him leave us forever. It was frightening to be face to face with death in such a way. But on the other hand, it was also the most profound and life changing moment of my life, too. I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again.

While the time between grief stretches out a bit longer these days, it still hurts when I think about it.

I don’t ever want it to ever stop hurting.

the battle with fear

Life