On Breaking Up With My Phone

Life

On a whim I picked up the book “How To Break Up With Your Phone.” It was on the new book shelf at the library and I thought I’d thumb through it just for laughs. It turns out, the book is really good.  As I read through the first half of the book I slowly realized that I am, indeed, addicted to my phone (as most everyone probably is these days). I decided I’d give the author’s 30 day plan to “break up with your phone” a try. Let’s just call it an experiment. To see what happens. To see how it affects my mental state and general mood.

I am on day 8 today and I already feel like a new person.

About 3 days in she instructs her readers to delete all social media from the phone. Don’t even think twice, just delete.

You know how when you pull a band-aid off and you know it’s best to just yank it off as fast as you can and it stings badly for a few moments but then it’s all fine? That’s how it felt the first day I deleted everything. I felt this moment of panic and then a sense of emptiness and then I realized that I would be OK. Deleting social media from my phone didn’t kill me.

She doesn’t say to, necessarily, delete social media from your life. Just delete it from you phone. So I’ve been checking in on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter a couple of times a day from my PC.

I also downloaded an app that monitors how much time I spend on my phone and can figure out how many minutes/hours I’ve spent on specific apps. The app is called Moment for those interested. The day I installed the app it stated I had spent 4 hours on my phone that day! And that was just from “momentarily” checking social media to fill in the empty spaces during the day. Four hours!

So now I have a 4 hour void to fill every day. It’s kind of nice! To start, I’ve been catching up on things I’ve neglected, like editing photos, and blogging. I actually read for an hour everyday last week. I organized my closet and books yesterday.

But I think the best thing so far is that I feel so much better mentally! As the book states, when we scroll through our endless feeds we experience a plethora of emotions as we see posts from different people. As a one of those Highly Sensitive types, this was making me insane. Today I feel less insane.

 

Why can’t we give love that one more chance

Life

via Daily Prompt: Overwhelming

I’ve been obsessing and worrying a lot lately. There have been lots of tears. There have been lots of dark moments. I’m working extra hard  keeping myself on level ground. I feel like I can’t afford to fall into a hole that is impossible to dig myself out of.

I realized that I need a project. I need to give my brain something to do to keep it from worrying about the future. I keep coming back to sketching, which  is perfect because it is just enough of a challenge for me to keep my brain occupied. At some point I will, once again, get back into a daily drawing habit (why is it so hard for me to stick with it?!?) However, I realized that I kind of already have a project that I can do, that is much easier for me to jump right in to. It’s this blog. This blog has been with me through thick and thin. Through Bush and Obama. Writing has been the way I sort though thoughts. It has been my trusty companion my entire life.

So I am going to work through these tough times by blogging everyday. I don’t know what that is going to look like. It might be messy some days. It might be uplifting. It might just be a song, or a photo, or something that particularly touched me that day.

I’m hoping, mostly, that it will be a way for me to connect with you, because the last thing anyone should do during this time isolate.

The song Under Pressure made me happy twice today. It randomly played while I was running and also while I was getting ready for work. It is one of those songs that always fills me with hope when I hear it. And because I love a good coincidence, I can’t help but think that the Universe is trying to tell me something.

Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you
No man ask for

Under pressure
That brings a building down
Splits a family in two

Puts people on streets

Um ba ba be
Um ba ba be
De day da
Ee day da – that’s okay

It’s the terror of knowing
What the world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming

‘Let me out’
Pray tomorrow gets me higher

Pressure on people people on streets

Day day de mm hm
Da da da ba ba
Okay
Chipping around – kick my brains around the floor
These are the days it never rains but it pours
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap

People on streets
ee da de da de
People on streets
ee da de da de da de da

It’s the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming
‘Let me out’

Pray tomorrow – gets me higher
Higher
High

Pressure on people people on streets

Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don’t work

Keep coming up with love
But it’s so slashed and torn
Why – why – why?
Love love love love love
Insanity laughs under pressure we’re breaking

Can’t we give ourselves one more chance
Why can’t we give love that one more chance
Why can’t we give love give love give love give love
Give love give love give love give love give love

Because love’s such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the (People on streets) edge of the night
And loves (People on streets) dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
Under pressure
Pressure

World Suicide prevention day

Life

I didn’t want today to pass by without acknowledging World Suicide Prevention Day. If you are a regular reader of this blog you might know that I have struggled with depression and, yes, suicide tempts me from time to time. It knocks on the door every now and then to see if I will walk down that road. Sometime I follow the thread and sometimes I slam the door in its face. I am not alone. A statistic I read today stated that over 1 million people die by suicide every year. More than a million people are so desperate that they feel that the only answer is to end their life.

One of the things that I come back to again and again when I am tempted, is this quote from the New Yorker article, “Jumpers”  from a Golden Gate Bridge survivor:

“I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.”

Everything in life is fixable. You don’t have to jump.

anxiety

Life

Well. 2007 is proving to be a fantastic year. ugh. It started on the 3rd. I realized that people are mean and cruel. That’s all I can say about that because it doesn’t involve me directly. Then last night I woke up at 3:00 AM and just laid there wide awake unable to fall back asleep due to some anxiety and stress that I have about something that I have to do for work. So this messes me up with my excercise plan because I accidentally slept passed the alarm. Now I don’t have time to excercise before work. Great.

Well. At least the Democrats are in power. That’s good news.