The sound of airplanes flying through the sky makes me feel anxious.

Life, Writing

 In one of my tarot decks the 3 of swords card is represented by an image of an airplane flying through the sky.  More traditionally, the 3 of swords card is represented by a heart pierced with 3 swords. There is no question what this card means. It is the card of heartbreak. I think everyone knows this feeling well. The feeling of heartbreak literally feels like swords piercing your heart. So I find it interesting that the 3 of swords card is represented by an airplane in this particular deck. For me airplanes stir up all kinds of  feelings which include happiness, sadness, and anxiety. There is the excitement of getting on one when you are about to fly across the world to visit a place you have never been before, the anticipation of things to come. Then there is the gut wrenching feeling of separation when you see loved ones get on a plane to leave, or when you get on a plane to leave a loved one. That feeling of separation is heartbreak. It is swords piercing the heart.

Sometimes when you are in the middle of a heartbreak it feels like there will never be a way out. But there always is. There is always a destination. The plane will land at the end of the journey and you will get on with your life.

Today I am thinking about my stepfather, Doug, and his death 9 years ago. Heartbreak is a weird thing. There is a feeling of very painful grief, but then within that grief there is also a release, a feeling that there is a destination, that there is an other side. You just have to get through these clouds first before you get there.

A Gift



My husband and I watched a documentary on the Tarot a few weeks ago. This jogged his memory that he’d bought a few tarot packs when we lived in Santa Cruz, so he went upstairs to look for them in our spare room. He came downstairs with them and started sorting through the Rider Waite deck while I picked up the Morgan Greer deck and shuffled through the cards. As we were marveling at the illustrations in both decks, Raf said, “you can have the Morgan Greer deck.” I was all, “Cool! Thanks!”

It’s funny because technically this deck has been in my possession for as long as we’ve been married (20 years this past June) and I have laid eyes on it every day because it sits in our bookcase in the room that I meditate in. I literally have started at the cover of this deck for at least 10 minutes everyday for about 7 years. I’ve never touched these cards once (or any of the others. I do like to play with a digital version of the Tarot on my phone, though). Yet when Raf said, “you can have this deck” it suddenly felt like a very precious gift. I’ve looked at them everyday and I love them. I love the illustrations and I love attempting to do tarot readings with them. I look forward to using them in the future. 🙂


Demeter of the library

Demeter of the library (Photo credit: Arenamontanus)

Last night a friend got out her Goddesses Knowledge Cards and we did an on-the-fly (not really knowing what we are doing) reading. We decided the first card we chose would be the past, the second card is the present, and the third card is the future. This is what I chose:

Past – Hathor.

Present – Etain

Future – Demeter