The first time I heard this song was in October of 2007. I’d heard the news that my step-brother was found hanging from a tree, alone in the wilderness of Idaho that morning. I wasn’t particularly close to my step-brother but, still, the news cut deep. I was living in Spokane at the time and walked to work. It was a 45 minute walk and I’d just bought the latest Interpol album: Our Love To Admire. I thought I’d listen to it on my way to work. The song, Pioneer to the Falls came on and there was something about the haunting lyrics coupled with the suicide of my step-brother that brought me to a sobbing mess of tears before I made it to work.
I love this song, though it doesn’t make me cry like it once did. I just think it is an incredibly beautiful song with beautiful lyrics. It evokes a story in my soul that I can’t quite suss out completely. It is a story from a dream that is there but not quite there at the same time.
Ugh. I’ve had a hell of a week. There was an unexpected death in my family on Sunday. I wasn’t really close to this person but the tragedy of it has left me feeling really sad. Anyway, my Dad and Step-mom didn’t know what to do with all of the flower arrangements so I ended up with one and two plants to bring home. This one is very pretty. It is cheering me up the tiniest bit.
I got some really bad news on Monday night. My step-brother committed suicide over the weekend. He went into the forest and hung himself from a tree. Some hunters found him early Sunday morning.
It really hit me hard Tuesday morning when I was making my breakfast. I just broke down and sobbed. And then I couldn’t stop. I cried my whole walk to work. When I got to work and people started asking me how my weekend was I got choked up. I broke down in my manager’s office as I asked her for Friday off so I could attend the funeral.
Todd had his problems. but he seemed like the All American kid. He was really popular in high school. On all of the sports teams. I think he may have even been the homecoming king. He was a handsome young man.
Saturday night he called his mom to tell her that he was sorry for all of the pain he had caused her.The next morning he went into the forest in some remote place and hung himself.
I’m broken up over it. The whole story is so goddamn tragic. I don’t even know what to say about it. Is there anything to say? He was a nice person. A great coach. A good father. It’s too bad he decided he needed to leave this world.