Fear

I came into work early today to do a library tour for a group of 60 children: a class of 4th graders and a class of 1st graders. I showed them around the library, read them a story, and then pitched the Summer Reading Program to them. They were great kids and I had a lot of fun with them. They were supposed to go on to the park for lunch but their plans were inexplicably changed suddenly while I was reading the story to them.  I noticed the teachers whispering in the back of the room, looking at their phones and I could sense something was wrong. When I was finished the teacher leaned over me to whisper to another teacher: “there was a shooting at Reynold’s High School.” The class was going straight back to school, no playing at the park. Reynold’s High School is just down the highway from Sandy. Local enough to warrant the teachers taking some precaution with the students by getting them back to school right away.

An hour later the story hit national news.  In the end one student (a high school student!) and the shooter are dead.

This is the second time a shooting has hit way too close to home. The Clackamas Town Center shooting happened a few days before the massacre at Sandy Hook a two years ago.  I shop at the Clackamas Town Center mall every weekend. It is my local mall. And there was a mass shooting there.

This is scary shit. It is sad. And scary. And horrible. I am at a loss for any real thoughtful coherent words. I could get on my soapbox right now – if you know me you know that I am against guns. I believe we need to get rid of them completely.  But what good is it for me to stand on my soapbox and scream these words at the top of my lungs? People are dead today. And nobody will listen. I don’t want to have a discussion about it. I want the guns to go away.

I am just very disheartened.  That’s all. I want to be able to shop at my local shopping mall and not think about somebody shooting up the place. I want to be able to go to work everyday without the very slight fear in the back of my mind that someone could walk into the place with a gun and start randomly shooting. it would be nice to live life without those ever-present fears that are always there in one way or another. Most of the time it is dormant, but on days like today it makes it presence known.

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3 thoughts on “Fear

  1. “If you know me you know that I am against guns. I believe we need to get rid of them completely.” Good for you and I’m with you, Moni. A very sad and upsetting post. The events of the day must have rocked you to your core. We have issues with illegal firearms here in Australia but legal ownership of guns is very restricted. Therefore, mostly, the only people who get shot up are thugs and criminals (an unfortunately police officers).

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    1. It’s been upsetting and unsettling. This just happened too close to home. And the neighborhood where it happened is nice – if it can happen there it can happen anywhere. I feel like safety is an illusion. It kind of sucks to feel that way. I hope that our government can finally have a discussion about at least making gun ownership more restricted here. How many school shootings does there have to be before this discussion happens?

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