Oh darling make it go away

Music

I was getting ready for work and listening to music, as one does, and the fabulous song by Joe Jackson, Steppin’ Out, played. I  was recently reminded of that song on Fluxblog a few weeks ago and it’s been in my head ever since. I thought I was going to write about it today as I was listening to it. But then “This Woman’s Work” by Kate Bush played right afterwards and I found myself, a few bars in, covered in my own tears, sobbing. I think the universe knows that I needed a good cry this week. I didn’t think this week would be hard for me, but it’s proving to be very emotional. I am being haunted by ghosts.

So I will leave the video here, in case you want a good, cathartic, cry too. 

Tomorrow I will be back with my regularly scheduled photography.

You were bigger, and brighter, and whiter than snow.

Photography

I stepped in the car to go to the gym and I caught the tail end of the song, “Pictures Of You” on the radio and my heart skipped a beat because I love this song so much, and i haven’t heard it in ages.

It reminds me of a boyfriend from years and years ago who died in a car accident. I’ve been thinking about him the past few weeks because both his birthday and his death day are this time of year. I can’t recall the exact date for either of those. I think his birthday was around the end of October, and he died the first part of November. I bought the album “Disintegration” around the time of his death and it became the soundtrack of grief and mourning for me. It’s hard to listen to Pictures of You without crying. And I can’t even look the lyrics. I love the song, though, and listen even though it makes me cry.  As my mom has said “The healing is in the tears.”

That brings me to the photo for the week. Admittedly, I did just now  peek at the lyrics and that line “You were bigger, brighter, and whiter than snow” jumped out because this photos is part of my “Pinhole In The Library” series. The photo really has nothing to do with the song, except that they both associated with the word “snow”. But hey, whatever works for blog fodder.

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geeky bits:
Terrapin Bijou + Kodak E 100 @ 6 minutes

Sooner or later they all will be gone; Why don’t they stay young?

Books, Music, Art, Movies

So Alphaville’s “Forever Young” came up on my random playlist yesterday on my walk home from work. This song always sends shivers down my spine where I hear it. But it also puts a smile on my face.

It reminds me of a boyfriend from when I was around 18 or 19, Gary was his name. We had a very short, fun, but complicated relationship. I cared about him very much but, being a young male, he was kind of an asshole to me.

This song reminds me of our first date. It was a warm summer evening and we stood on the front porch of my parent’s home and chatted for an hour about everything. One of the things we chatted about was music. He mentioned to me that this was his favorite song. I believe I heard the song for the first time the night before at the party we met at, and I had to agree that it was a good song (probably made a little better by the good company). That evening was a very wonderful uncomplicated evening between us. It’s a good memory.

The reason why this song sends shivers down my spine is because about a year after this memory happened Gary died in a horrific car wreck. I find it very ironic that this was his favorite song.

Dia De Los Muertos

Life

I was reminded* that yesterday and today is Dia De Los Muertos. This is is very interesting because, as you know,  I found myself thinking of Gary, the boyfriend who died in a car accident when I lived in New York. It is weird that my mom sent me the photo that was taken the day I found out he died, and also weird that he died around this time of year. His birthday was also the end of October. So he has been on my mind. I feel like I should write about him more, but I don’t even really know where to start.

I remember our first date. It was summer and he took me to a party at a friend’s house. We had the best time together that night, innocent fun! Laughing and joking with each other as we had a few beers from the keg. Alphaville came on the stereo and he remarked that it was his favorite band. I’d never heard of them, so he went to the record player and put on his favorite song, Forever Young.

It kind of gives me chills that THAT particular song was his favorite, since he died two years later. But every once in awhile it will play on my iTunes and it will make me think of him, which is nice.

Along those same lines, this morning as I was walking to work, “A Song For You” played randomly on my iTunes. This song has special meaning to my mom especially, and to me since my mom told me her story about it. I only hear it if comes on randomly so when I hear it I feel like it is Doug, trying to get my attention. It was strange that it played today on my walk, but it was nice to think about my Step-father this morning as well.

I wish that American culture embraced The Day Of The Dead. It is a beautiful holiday and it is a beautiful thing to remember those who have passed over. I am glad I had these moments to think about Gary and Doug. Their stories and their spirit will forever live on.

*P.S. Go read Inge’s moving post on Pinhole Obscura!

Wayback Wednesday

Life

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My mom sent this photo to me yesterday. It was taken in New York City exactly this time of year (end of October) in 1989. If my memory serves me correctly, this photo was taken the day I learned that my boyfriend back home in Spokane died in a car accident the night before. I would go home, after having had a fun day in the City, and learn this sad news. What a strange thing to think about today.

I don’t know what the fuck I am wearing. It was the Eighties.