what I learned today


As per the usual, I’ve been struggling with depression again. I will spare you the drama this time. Frankly, I’m kind of sick the drama and would like to move on (thanyouverymuch). But, I will tell you how I’ve been dealing with it.

I was wondering around Safeway the other evening and consciously decided to really focus on what I was doing at that moment. So I took  inventory in my head. “I am in the produce aisle at Safeway. I am picking up this apple. It is cold and smooth and smells nice. Oh, and look, there is a nice lady that smiled as she walked by. I’ll smile back.” And, pretty quickly, I felt really good.

There is really so much to experience right now, at this moment. I need to remember this! I tend to forget very easily. I am a daydreamer. I always have been. My thoughts wander and sometimes it is very hard to rein them in. Sometimes it’s fun to daydream but I get lost in there sometimes. I need to remember to come back down to earth and live my life as it exists right here, right now.

Earlier today, I was pondering  this as I was pulling out of the parking lot at Mt. Moka, having just purchased my daily Americano. I backed out of my parking space and suddenly I heard and felt this “crunch.” I looked out my driver’s side window and there was this giant truck right there. He’d backed right into my door. At first I was afraid because I didn’t know how close he was to crunching my door into me. But I was quickly able figure out that I was ok. We both pulled forward back into our places, got out of our cars to check the damage. The first thing the guy did was ask if I was ok. I was fine and told him so. But I was also pissed and told him that too. The guy remained very calm and polite. I wish I could say I was as polite. I wasn’t mean at all but, honestly, I was mad. My car was/is really messed up. I’m sure I was exuding very angry vibes. He backed off and went back to his car to call the police and his insurance. I took a moment to breathe and make my own phone calls. For some inexplicable reason I posted the event on Facebook. I have no idea why I did this but I’m kind of glad I did. I think doing that calmed me down somehow (plus I have a record of what time it happened exactly. I didn’t even think to look at the clock).

Eventually the cops came, and we exchanged information and everything turned out ok. The guy who hit me and his wife were really cool and calm and actually really nice. I chilled out too and it all turned out ok. At least for today. I don’t know how much this is going to cost but that is a problem for another day.

I have to say that I really learned a lot from this experience. First of all, it was kind of like being hit with a zen stick.

Image Via Wikipedia

I mean, talk about being in the fucking moment. Nothing will put you there faster than an accident. Secondly, I really, really appreciate the way the other guy handled it. He was seriously so calm and cool, and even very nice. I’ve never seen anyone react to an accident like that. His calm behavior caused me to be calm and totally diffused the situation. I really appreciate that. I hope that I can remember his behavior the next time I’m in a situation like this. I actually learned a really good lesson from this person today. ♥

7 thoughts on “what I learned today

  1. It teaches you (just like my barn fire) that you just have to let go of the anger and focus on the problem at hand. You can always freak out or you can choose not to. I’m working on choosing not to freak out all the time. It’s a lot of work and uses a lot of energy and makes me feel like crap.


  2. I’m so glad you are okay, Moni. I need to work on living in the moment more too. It’s harder than one would think! As always, your contemplativeness and desire to better yourself inspires me. 🙂 Continued good luck on your journey. 🙂


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