On Breaking Up With My Phone

Life

On a whim I picked up the book “How To Break Up With Your Phone.” It was on the new book shelf at the library and I thought I’d thumb through it just for laughs. It turns out, the book is really good.  As I read through the first half of the book I slowly realized that I am, indeed, addicted to my phone (as most everyone probably is these days). I decided I’d give the author’s 30 day plan to “break up with your phone” a try. Let’s just call it an experiment. To see what happens. To see how it affects my mental state and general mood.

I am on day 8 today and I already feel like a new person.

About 3 days in she instructs her readers to delete all social media from the phone. Don’t even think twice, just delete.

You know how when you pull a band-aid off and you know it’s best to just yank it off as fast as you can and it stings badly for a few moments but then it’s all fine? That’s how it felt the first day I deleted everything. I felt this moment of panic and then a sense of emptiness and then I realized that I would be OK. Deleting social media from my phone didn’t kill me.

She doesn’t say to, necessarily, delete social media from your life. Just delete it from you phone. So I’ve been checking in on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter a couple of times a day from my PC.

I also downloaded an app that monitors how much time I spend on my phone and can figure out how many minutes/hours I’ve spent on specific apps. The app is called Moment for those interested. The day I installed the app it stated I had spent 4 hours on my phone that day! And that was just from “momentarily” checking social media to fill in the empty spaces during the day. Four hours!

So now I have a 4 hour void to fill every day. It’s kind of nice! To start, I’ve been catching up on things I’ve neglected, like editing photos, and blogging. I actually read for an hour everyday last week. I organized my closet and books yesterday.

But I think the best thing so far is that I feel so much better mentally! As the book states, when we scroll through our endless feeds we experience a plethora of emotions as we see posts from different people. As a one of those Highly Sensitive types, this was making me insane. Today I feel less insane.

 

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I want a pair of jeans that don’t make me feel bad about myself.

Life

A few weeks ago a Facebook friend alerted her followers to a company that was giving away free t-shirts. I am many things, but I am not a person who turns away free stuff. So of course I clicked the link. It was for a company called Universal Standard, which I had never heard of before. I looked at the price of the shirt. It was $50. I had to look twice to make sure that was correct. It was $50 the second time I looked. I thought, “this company is giving away, for free, a $50 t-shirt?!?” It seemed too good to be true. I opened up another window to surf around on the website.  I read the About page. They totally seemed legit. So I went ahead a chose the black, x small. I received it in the mail yesterday and I’m wearing it today. It’s a super nice shirt.

I’ve never, in my life, worn an extra small. So that was kind of a nice thing.

The company caters to women who wear sizes 10 – 28 and features models of all sizes. It’s really refreshing to see women who aren’t stick thin modeling clothes, for once.

I have a pair of skinny jeans that I bought last year. They were not cheap, so I’ve been really trying hard to like them. And I kind of do. But they are just a touch too tight on me. I keep telling myself that “if I lose 10 pounds, like I probably should, these jeans will be perfect.” And that is probably true. But right now whenever I wear these jeans they kind of make me feel bad. I wear them and I have that constant “you need to lose 10 pounds” nagging in the back of my mind.

I want to wear jeans that don’t make me feel bad about myself.

And what if I just stopped it with the “I need to lose 10 pounds” idea? Would it really be the end of the world if I didn’t lose this elusive 10 pounds? What if I just accepted myself the way I am right now. Today. What if I bought some jeans that actually fit that I can feel good in?

My order will be delivered on Monday.

Life and Music Are On My Mind

Life, Photography

My birthday is on Sunday, and I’m getting old. I can’t think of a better theme for this post than a graveyard. 😉

All kidding aside, this is the only photography I have to offer this blog at the moment. My photo mojo has waned a little this year. This is from the roll of Holga shots I took when I went on the photo meetup in January. My plan was to shoot portraits with my Holga, which I did. But they didn’t come out great. I may post them next week and talk a little bit more about it. In the meantime, here are a couple moody shots of the graveyard from that day.
gravesite gift

Lone Fir Cemetery

A little story:
About an hour ago I was talking to a former coworker who has retired. She’d just learned, from another co-worker, that my birthday was this weekend and asked how old I will be. I gulped and said it out loud: “49. I’ll be 49.” And holy shit. It was hard to say that number  (It’s hard for me  to type that number). I told her that it was difficult to face the fact that I am in my last year of my 40s. She just kind of smiled and said, “you’ll get over it soon.” And she had a look of wisdom in her eyes.

When I walked out of the library for my walk this was the first song that popped up on my iTunes. An odd bit of synchronicity. 🙂

Life

At my meditation group we give away, or dedicate,  the merit of our meditation to those who are sick or have died. We have a list that we write names on. The names stay on the list for a few weeks and then drop off the list eventually. We actually say the names  out loud at the end of meditation. (You can read more about the Buddhist concept of merit here if you are son inclined.)

On the list there are beloved pets,  loved ones,  celebrities, and  victims of a particular catastrophic event.

For as long as I can remember “Victims of High School Shooting” has  been on the merit list. This is such a common occurrence that it consistently appears on the Merit List week after week.

This is devastating.

Again.

We. need. to. do. something. about. this.

Something real and tangible.