Twice yesterday the song “I Will Follow You Into The Dark” came on randomly. once on my ipod and once on the radio. The first time it played, I had to change the song after two measures. The sequence of chords at the beginning of the song instantly make my eyes well up with tears. And then the lyrics start and they utterly and completely break my heart.
The second time I was in the car with Raf and I didn’t change the station. I listened to it underneath the conversation we were having. And, as expected, tears welled up. I said something to him about how this song makes me cry every-time I hear it and made fun of myself for crying over a silly song.
That this song was nosing it’s way into my head twice yesterday made me think that maybe I should listen to it all the way through. Maybe I just needed to deal with something. I decided to face whatever it was. So as I was sitting on my zafu, before my 15 minutes of meditation, I sat on my cusion with my headphones on and just listened to the song. I listened to those haunting chords and those heartbreaking lyrics and I bawled my eyes out. I let myself experience the full-on feelings of this grief that wanted to express itself. And felt better for having experienced it. My eyes are all puffy today though. I’m blaming it on allergies, from the trees that were blooming in Portland yesterday when I was there.