If today were a dream it would go something like this:
I find myself standing on a stage in a play in front of an audience. I am supposed to speak my lines. But I don’t know my lines. Everyone is looking to me to say my lines so they can do their thing but I don’t know my lines. I stand there on the stage in front of everyone like a deer in the headlights.
So yeah. I was the precentor (bell ringer, and the person who was supposed to lead the chanting) for a meditation retreat today. Only, I’ve never really done this before and I didn’t know what to do. That was awkward.
Regardless, it was a good day and a nice retreat. Nobody really noticed, it turns out. Or if they did they were OK with it. It was my own ego that had the problem. It was an interesting and humbling day.
Both gain and loss, and right and wrong –
once and for all get rid of them.
When you are no longer asleep,
all dreams will vanish by themselves.
– from Affirming Faith In Mind by Kanchi Sosan Zenji (the poem we chanted today)