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Blatherskite

Foolish gibberish

  • AboutI am also known as CraftyMoni elsewhere on the web. I am a Children’s Librarian. I am a photographer. I am a knitter. I am a reader. I am a wannabe poet. I blog. Sometimes I complain. I like to swear. I have a really twisted sense of humor. I think I might be a Zen Buddhist (Still trying to decide). Not a fan of organized religion. I am very liberal and can be vocal about it at times. I’m a daydreamer. Sometimes sassy. I try to be compassionate. I think I’m pretty nice most of the time. You can delve into deeper waters by reading these posts. You can see my photography on my Flickr page. If you like any photos you see there or on this site and would like to buy a print let me know. I would be happy to sell one to you! I blather about library stuff on  Twitter. You will also find me on Google+ and Facebook. Enjoy your visit!  
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about

I am a Children’s Librarian living in the Portland, Oregon area. When I am not Children’s Librianing I like to play with cameras and film. I also like playing the ukulele, knitting, sketching, and hiking.
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  • Wayback Wednesday

    April 3, 2013

    Uncle Will and Aunt Erna
    For today’s Wayback Wednesday, I found a couple of old photos of my Uncle Will from the 1970s. Here he is with my Aunt Erna. I am looking at this and wondering if they are my age in this photo. That thought kind of freaks me out for some reason. I guess because when this was taken I thought of him as being “old.”

    Here he is with my brother and cousin Donny, who died in a motorcycle accident a few years after this was taken.
    Big brother with cousin and Uncle Will.

    I am feeling better. Less uncontrollably sad. I am ready to move on from this subject. Tomorrow I will post about something different and more fun.

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  • The bond I had with my Uncle Will.

    April 2, 2013

    In July of 2009 I applied for a job at a library in a small town 30 miles east of Portland that I had driven through once. I came here to interview and was delighted with the place and with the people who interviewed me. Lucky for me, the feeling was mutual. When I told my mom that I was moving to Sandy, Oregon she came back with an interesting reply, “Really? Sandy? Your uncle lived there in the 1960s. Did you know that?” No. I did not know that.

    The story is that my uncle lived in the area for awhile and loved it here. Then a couple of tragedies struck the family which caused them to move down into Portland. One of those tragedies was the death of his 2 year old daughter. She drowned in a creek near the home. There was a cemetery next to his house where he buried her. I remember my uncle talking about this place a few years ago, not knowing exactly where it was. He described it as “beautiful” and mentioned that he wanted to be buried there. And also said anyone in his family could be buried there too.

    When I moved here he asked me to go to this cemetery from time to time to check up on the graves of my cousins (another of his sons was buried there in 2002). I was totally happy to oblige. However, I couldn’t find it. I can’t tell you how many times I drove up and down Cherryville Road looking for this cemetery with no luck whatsoever. My uncle even drew me a map at one point and it still didn’t help. I asked people in the community about it and nobody could help me. Nobody knew it even existed! Or if they knew it existed, it existed as a kind of urban legend. This cemetery  completely confounded me.

    He came to visit a year ago last July and finally took me there himself. Visiting this place will be forever marked in my history as one of the most surreal of my existence. We drove into what seemed like the dirt road of somebody’s house. We ended up at a very dense grove of trees. Very dense. it was impossible to see what was on the other side of them. Uncle Will opened the trunk of his car, grabbed some garden loppers and weed killer, handed me a pair of loppers, and walked toward a small opening of this grove. He seemed to know exactly where to go and cut a hole into the opening. I reluctantly followed him into this strange place. It was absolutely incredible. Above me was as canopy of thick Douglas Firs. Around me was moss, ivy and fern, growing all over everything. The tops of turn-of-the-century headstones  peeked out of the ivy. We bush-whacked our way to the back of the cemetery where we found the grave-markers of my cousins. They were the only graves in the cemetery that could be seen (aside from the taller headstones) because he’d been coming there every year to take care of them.

    It was a beautiful summer day in July. The sun was starting to set and the light filtered through the trees and lighted the graves perfectly as we stood around the graves and said a Hail Mary. My uncle was very happy. He seemed to be at peace there. I could totally see why. I thought to myself, “This place is magical and beautiful.”

    Now I knew where the cemetery was but how was I going to take care of it? It was overwhelmingly overgrown. There was no way I could compete with the Oregon Forest.

    Lo and Behold, an effort was made to clean it up! Somebody who also has family buried there headed this up a year ago and since then amazing work as been done. In many ways it has brought our community together too. Lots of people who live here have been in on this project and have enjoyed uncovering history in their own backyard. I think about this effort and it blows my mind. This was a cemetery that was slowly being swallowed by the forest but it has been saved.

    Yesterday I was driving to the library to run an errand. As I sat at the stoplight I had this urgent thought that I really needed to call my cousin to let him know that I am here to help him in any way. Then I burst into tears while I was sitting there. I felt the deepest sensation of grief deep down to the core of my heart. I had this profound feeling that he was gone. That he had departed from this earth. I waited for my mom to call me and tell me the news. Finally, I had to text her to check in. She told  me that he passed at 12:30. Around the same time I was thinking about him at the stoplight.

    We shared this little bond, this mystery of the cemetery. I am so glad that he was able to see that the restoration effort began there. I know that made him happy.

    Here is the last photo I took of him. It was taken the day he took me to the cemetery and while we were standing at his kid’s graves. It’s not a very good photo (he looks kind of crazy) but it does show how happy and excited he was to be there.

    Rest in peace Uncle Will. See you on the other side.

    Uncle Will

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  • Happy National Poetry Month

    April 1, 2013

    As you all know I am a lover of poetry and I love to celebrate National Poetry Month when it comes around every April. I found this project the other day and thought it was really cool so I decided to participate. I encourage you to, also! And share the link to your recording here if you do.

    I love Anne Sexton’s poetry and especially this one. You can find the text to Music Swims Back to Me here. You can hear Anne Sexton read the poem here (Among other poems). It is worth the listen. She has a fantastic voice.

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  • Six word saturday

    March 30, 2013

    I’m gonna see what tomorrow brings.

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  • Here we go again.

    March 29, 2013

    I am going through a difficult time emotionally. There I said it. I admitted it. I found out a couple of weeks ago that my uncle (the one with the sweet ride) has lung cancer. He is not a candidate for chemotherapy so all that can be done is to wait. God damn it. This is hitting me harder than I thought it would. I am not exeptionally close to my uncle but I do make a point to see him when I am visiting home when I can. And I care very much about him. And I don’t especially want him to die of lung cancer. So I am sad at this news. Very sad.

    Another thing that this is doing is stirring up grief from the death of Doug. I kind of thought I was moving past all of that but I guess not. I am finding myself crying at the most inopportune moments. Like right now while I am sitting in my office writing this. I really hope nobody walks in. (I started writing this post yesterday).

    I really dislike these negative emotions and would rather avoid them. I would really rather avoid them. It makes me feel a little nuts. My inner critic beats me down and makes me feel bad for feeling these things because we are “supposed to be positive and happy” but I can’t be that way right now. I am sad and hurting and it is hard to hide the way I am feeling.

    Because of this I made the decision a few days ago to cut myself off from Facebook/Twitter/instagram/Etc for awhile. But is this even rational? Why am I cutting myself off from one the ways I connect with other people because I feel bad? I feel like I don’t want others to see this side of me. I feel like I have to save myself from myself because I don’t want to over-share the negative. Why is that? At any rate, I feel safe over here on my blog. I feel like I can just be myself since that I what I do over here and have been doing for years.

    In short: LUNG CANCER SUCKS AND I HATE IT.

    So yeah. You may find emotional posts in this space for awhile. I am going through a bit of a bad patch and trying to bushwhack my way out.

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