Yesterday was kind of weird.
Having moved into this new, strange stage where I’m not automatically feeling depressed about everything, I all of a sudden have found some Christmas spirit. I lost my Christmas spirit about 7 years ago when my Stepfather died and it never really returned. Until now.
Over the weekend I bought a small table top tree from IKEA (we don’t have room in our house for a big tree…or maybe I’m not willing to commit to a big tree. A big tree means I have fully embraced the Christmas spirit and I’m not sure I’m ready to go full on Christmas). Yesterday was the day I decided to dig my Christmas ornaments out of the closet and put them up.
As I did this I found something from my childhood: A set of porcelain carolers that my mom must have given me a few years ago. As I unwrapped them I was filled with the most wonderful feeling. I was instantly taken back to my the living room of my childhood and the weeks leading up to Christmas in my house. We had these, and a number of other decorations adorning the house. I would play with the dolls (very carefully) and was just generally captivated with them. I felt that sense of thrill in the lead-up to Christmas when I was a child, before I found out Santa isn’t real, that magical time.
“What a nice gift, to feel that feeling again, momentarily”, I thought to myself yesterday.
And even as I unpacked the rest of my Christmas ornaments I felt happy as the memories of past Christmases came to mind.
The feeling was still with me as I went to the store. I found myself shopping for the right candles to put in my Christmas candle holders and wondering who I was. I don’t do this type of thing! But it felt good. And as I looked around at all of the other people smiling, looking at the Christmas ornaments for sale, I understood what they were feeling.
Honestly, it was a relief to look at Christmas decorations and not feel irritation. And indeed, maybe even a little bit of happiness. Maybe I’m not a Grinch after all.
2 thoughts on “On not being a Grinch (AKA who is this person?!?)”
Yeh, we decorated the weekend after Christmas, while the kids were home from college (free labor), and of all the festivity I found myself taking perverse pleasure in arranging my childhood creche scene under the tree, something that’s been left to the kids for years. Religious awakening? Not a chance. But it was awfully nostalgic.
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Exactly 😄 glad you had a nice time!