I mentioned a few posts back that I wanted to start taking portaits with my Holga. I decided to take my Holga with me to the Women’s March in Sandy, Oregon two Sundays ago.
I stocked up on some cheap film: Arista.Edu 400. I really regret it because these didn’t turn out great. There are light leaks (I got a fat roll because the tape at the end of the roll wasn’t sticky) and there are some frame numbers showing through. Regardless, I enjoyed taking them and I it was really nice to get out of my comfort zone and ask strangers if I could take their photos. I am pleased with them in that regard.
A month ago a friend on Facebook shared a number of live performances from bands from the Eighties and it was great fun to watch them. They took me back to my teens and early twenties. It’s so wonderful how music can do this! One of the songs was the Cure’s Just Like Heaven, which has been a pretty solid favorite of mine my whole life and his been on regular rotation in my playlists.
I decided to read the lyrics to the song last month when I heard it. It’s something I’ve been doing lately because of my interest in poetry.
Have you ever paid attention to the lyrics to this song? I hadn’t before. I’ve always connected to the fun, upbeat melody. Well, I read them and I wept.
Maybe it’s the connection to my younger days and that those days are gone, and I’m not the same person I was. Maybe I’m crying for the loss of her. The teen/20 something version of myself. I don’t know. Regardless, I wept. I still can’t really hear this song without crying.
Wednesday evening when we were writing death poems at our zen center, there was another person who was exploring the metaphor of rivers and rocks in her poem. Only this person emphasized the erosion of the rock as the water rushed over it. I’ve been thinking about her poem since I wrote yesterday’s blog post. It makes me realize that even the rocks are impermanent. They only appear still at the bottom of the river, but this is merely and illusion. The reality is that they are changing and becoming different with the rush of the river’s current.
My mantra for last year was Roll With The Punches, so I was thinking, if I were to have a mantra for this year what would it be? I have been doing a lot of letting go lately and it feels so good. I think this, naturally, is my mantra for this year.
I started a new habit the last week of December. I am going to get rid of at least 1 thing every day. So far I’ve taken 3 bags of stuff I don’t need to Goodwill and I know I won’t miss it.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I need and what I don’t need and why do I have so much stuff? And what prompts me to buy the stuff I do have? I have decided that I want to be surrounded by things that I truly love, not the things that I feel beholden to. I will buy something and because I bought it I will feel like I have to use it because I paid money for it. I hate wasting money to the point where I will just keep something around because I spent money on it, even though I don’t use it and it doesn’t suit my needs.
For example, last May I was out shopping, aimlessly, and a 5 year, 1 line a day diary caught my eye. And I bought it without giving it much thought except, “ooh shiny!”. I’ve been using it everyday since, writing down a few lines about my day. It’s a really nice idea, actually. Each year I will see what I did on that day and can reflect on it. However, I already have this kind of diary electronically, and I’ve already been using it for a couple of years. I realized one day that writing in this journal everyday felt like a chore, and it was taking time away from doing other things that I might rather be doing. And also, every time I looked at it I was reminded of my complete thoughtlessness when I purchased it, and I felt some guilt. So using this journal, great idea as that is, was not making me happy. So I decided to just throw the thing away. You know what? It felt really good to do that.