On a more personal note…

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I’ve been pretty open about my struggles with depression and anxiety on this blog so I thought I would share something positive with you.

A month ago I wrote a blog post about being depressed and anxious about the election. My mom read the post and sent me a text suggesting I go get my thyroid tested because she was recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism. She said that as soon as she started taking medication for it her depression left her and she felt good. She also went on to tell me that this runs in my family, my grandmother also had it. And to further the case for my getting tested, I had to be monitored as a child for an enlarged thyroid.

Well this was all news to me. Getting my thyroid checked would never in a million years have occurred to me.

So I made an appointment the next day. I told my doctor I was battling depression and anxiety and told her I wanted to get my blood tested for hypothyroidism. She scheduled the test for that day, but she also made an appointment for me to see a therapist for the depression. She said that she would call me in a few days and that we would either talk about medication for hypothyroidism or depression, depending on the results of the test.

In the meantime I went to the appointment with the therapist. She is a behavioral therapist, which I really liked, because it game me practical ways of dealing with it. I’ve never been to a therapist before. I’ve always been afraid to see the doctor for my depression. But after the first visit I already felt better. I felt like I had some tools to help me deal with it. I felt much more in control. I’ve seen her a few more times and I have one more appointment tomorrow. Seeing a behavioral therapist was one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself and I am really glad I’ve had this opportunity.

I realized that I kind of tricked myself into going to the doctor for depression. If my mom hadn’t suggested the hypothyroid test I would have never gone an I would never had gone to therapy. That is just sad, I realize.

In the meantime, the results came back from the blood test and it turns out that I have hypothyroidism. She prescribed the medication for it and I’ve been taking it for about two weeks now. I noticed results in two days. Oddly, that was the week of the election.

As you know, the election results hit me pretty hard and that first Wednesday I was pretty messed up, mental health wise. But I noticed that I bounced back from it very quickly. Which is odd for me. I tend to swim around in the depths of the darkness for a long time and it takes a LOT to pull myself out of it. In this case, it really didn’t take any effort to pull myself out of it at all. A very foreign feeling for me, but wow. really nice. Now I feel like I have the strength and energy to fight.

So that is what is going on with me. I feel like a completely new person. It’s sort of weird. I am not sure I know this person because for years and years I have been this other person who lived with the feeling of everything being such a big struggle. I have a feeling, though, I am gonna like this new me. She seems awesome.­čÖé

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About the featured image:

This is a pinhole photo taken with my Zero Image 4×5 pinhole camera, a camera that uses large format film. The exposure was long enough for me to sit on one side of the table for half of the exposure time, and then move to sit on the other side of the table for the second half of the exposure time.

A life.

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Self portrait

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I am visiting my family on Lake Pend o’Reille in Idaho. I am about to enter the Literature program at UCSC and am reading my first homework, “The Sorrows Of Young Werther.” Quite possibly the most depressing book I’ve ever read.
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Me when I was a baby
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In 5th grade I bring this photo to school for a project. My teacher gushes, “look at that chubby baby.” I am mortified.

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I put on my first pair of bifocals.

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A hat and scarf I knit for my Sister In law a long time ago.
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I am living in Santa Cruz, California and knitting wool hats and scarves.

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I am a nanny in Menlo Park, CA for a high-powered lawyer and I live in an incredible house. I am finishing up a roll of film and decide to take a self portrait with the last shot on the roll.

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I begin the last year of my thirties.

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Me at cannon beach
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I am on Cannon Beach digging clams.

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Me wearing my new scarf
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I am living in Spokane, Washington, standing in the yard of the house we just purchased.

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Holga Selfie
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I am in a Hotel room in Newport wasting time with a Holga by taking a selfie while waiting for my husband to finish his run.

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*prompt found on this week’s Daily Post.

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Kittehs

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We visited Marsh’s Free Museum┬á(Long Beach, WA)┬á┬áaround the end of October last year and I had my Olympus Om1n with me so I snapped some shots of the silly trinkets they sell there to tourists. Here is one of them. I was told by a couple of people that this photo is creepy. Which kind of leaves me wondering if there is something severely wrong with me because I don’t find it creepy at all. But then, I was the kid who was fascinated with Jake┬áThe Alligator Man and treasured a postcard of him, which I also showed-and-telled at school. So yeah. I am one of those people.

Throwback Thursday – 4 generations

As I mentioned, I am taking a Photoshop class and this week we learned about restoring old photos. It just so happened that my mom brought me a photo album that belonged to my grandmother that I, for some reason, had stored in my things at her house in Spokane. Many of the photos neither of us had seen before and this is one of them! And it’s such a great photo! Here we have me at around 7 years old, with my mom, great-grandmother in the middle, and grandmother on the right.

The original photo has a red cast to it and now I wonder why. Is it due to the fading of color in the print? It seems like a lot of old snapshots have a red cast to them. In the original photo below you will see that I have a gnarly gash on my chin. I was trying to remember how I hurt myself and then it hit me, this is when I took a serious spill on my bike. I wrote about it here.

4 generations before
before

Here is my “new and improved” Photoshopped version. I corrected the color, removed a ton of dust, and removed the scab on my chin.

4 generations after
After

I am kind of proud of the finished version, but in some way it makes me a little bit sad too. Like I’m rewriting history or something.

It’s interesting because I posted both of these on Flickr and I got more┬áresponse on the original version. One person even said that the original’s red cast appealed to them. I kind of feel like the original, red cast, scabbed chin, and all, tells more of a story. What are your thoughts?