what I learned today


As per the usual, I’ve been struggling with depression again. I will spare you the drama this time. Frankly, I’m kind of sick the drama and would like to move on (thanyouverymuch). But, I will tell you how I’ve been dealing with it.

I was wondering around Safeway the other evening and consciously decided to really focus on what I was doing at that moment. So I took  inventory in my head. “I am in the produce aisle at Safeway. I am picking up this apple. It is cold and smooth and smells nice. Oh, and look, there is a nice lady that smiled as she walked by. I’ll smile back.” And, pretty quickly, I felt really good.

There is really so much to experience right now, at this moment. I need to remember this! I tend to forget very easily. I am a daydreamer. I always have been. My thoughts wander and sometimes it is very hard to rein them in. Sometimes it’s fun to daydream but I get lost in there sometimes. I need to remember to come back down to earth and live my life as it exists right here, right now.

Earlier today, I was pondering  this as I was pulling out of the parking lot at Mt. Moka, having just purchased my daily Americano. I backed out of my parking space and suddenly I heard and felt this “crunch.” I looked out my driver’s side window and there was this giant truck right there. He’d backed right into my door. At first I was afraid because I didn’t know how close he was to crunching my door into me. But I was quickly able figure out that I was ok. We both pulled forward back into our places, got out of our cars to check the damage. The first thing the guy did was ask if I was ok. I was fine and told him so. But I was also pissed and told him that too. The guy remained very calm and polite. I wish I could say I was as polite. I wasn’t mean at all but, honestly, I was mad. My car was/is really messed up. I’m sure I was exuding very angry vibes. He backed off and went back to his car to call the police and his insurance. I took a moment to breathe and make my own phone calls. For some inexplicable reason I posted the event on Facebook. I have no idea why I did this but I’m kind of glad I did. I think doing that calmed me down somehow (plus I have a record of what time it happened exactly. I didn’t even think to look at the clock).

Eventually the cops came, and we exchanged information and everything turned out ok. The guy who hit me and his wife were really cool and calm and actually really nice. I chilled out too and it all turned out ok. At least for today. I don’t know how much this is going to cost but that is a problem for another day.

I have to say that I really learned a lot from this experience. First of all, it was kind of like being hit with a zen stick.

Image Via Wikipedia

I mean, talk about being in the fucking moment. Nothing will put you there faster than an accident. Secondly, I really, really appreciate the way the other guy handled it. He was seriously so calm and cool, and even very nice. I’ve never seen anyone react to an accident like that. His calm behavior caused me to be calm and totally diffused the situation. I really appreciate that. I hope that I can remember his behavior the next time I’m in a situation like this. I actually learned a really good lesson from this person today. ♥

Thank you. And an update


First of all, I want to thank you all so, so much for all of your well wishes on my last post. They really made my day and helped me feel a bit better. Thank you!!!

Secondly, I wanted to kind up update you on how I’m doing. I am actually doing pretty well. I have stayed home from work the past couple of days. My entire body is really sore and I’m moving really slow. “They” are right about it being more painful two or three days after an accident like this. This is the third day and I am feeling a little more sore than I did the first two. I’m feeling some soreness in my shoulder that I didn’t feel before.

But the good news is that I have not had to take the hydrocodone because I have not had any unbearable pain. Just some soreness that Ibuprofen has worked fine on. I do have a follow-up doctor’s appointment with my regular doctor next week to make sure everything is working O.K.

I feel extraordinarily lucky. Seriously. This could have turned out so much worse. I think that, first of all, the reason that I didn’t break any bones is that I am in pretty good shape. I lift weights, do yoga and run on a consistent basis. My bones are pretty strong, apparently! The guy who hit me is lucky I wasn’t a kid or a older person! Since he was driving a sedan I was able to roll up on the hood of his car a bit, which prevented my knees from snapping. I am lucky he wasn’t driving an S.U.V. or a truck. Like I said, things could have been worse. I am counting my blessings right now.

I found out (by reading the police report) that the man is 87 years old! He said he didn’t see me. That is scary. Like I said, I was wearing a bright orange coat. People on the other side of the road could see me. He should have been able to see me. My insurance agent (who is dealing with all of the details of payment, thank goodness) called him to get his insurance information (he didn’t have it at the scene). The man didn’t know that I was taken away by ambulance! He thought that I was O.K. so he didn’t bother calling his insurance agent. What, did he think that I just walked away from the whole thing? Ugh! It just makes me shake my head.

Anyway, that’s the scoop. I think I’m gonna be O.K. Thank the gods. And Thank YOU ALL for all of your prayers and good thoughts. I truly appreciate it so very much. Thank you.

car update


Actually, there is nothing to report. Which kind of worries me. The accident happened a week ago and I still don’t know what they are going to do with my car. The insurance adjustor for my insurance company looked at it on Thursday, so I would think that they would know by now if they are going to fix it or total it. And everyone that I’ve talked to who have been in similar situations have said that they knew within 24 hours if thier car was going to be fixed or totalled. So I’m getting worried. I don’t even know where my car is right now.

I am beginning to get the impression that my insurance company sucks.

not quite my worst nightmare

Winter snowstorm on Highway 11, near Temagami,...

Image via Wikipedia

Well, the thing that I was afraid of happened. My car has been totalled. It started really, really snowing at around 4:00 pm yesterday. Right as the evening commute started. So by the time Raf left to pick me up at 6:00 the driving conditions were really bad. We live on a steep hill, and getting down from that hill into town by all routes were trecherous. Raf actually was driving the way he was supposed to, very slowly, not slamming on the breaks. When he started to fishtail a little bit this idiot driver behind him rear-ended him because she was driving waay to close. So they got out to exchange information, and while they were out of the car talking another SUV, who was barrelling down the hill, slammed right into the driver’s side door. So the whole side of my car is totally fucked. But THANK GOD Raf wasn’t in the car! He would have been badly hurt or worse.

So in the meantime, I’m waiting for him to pick me up at work. He calls me up and tells me that the car has been totalled and I kind of started to freak out. I called my mom and she and my step-dad came to pick me up. I stupidly had my insurance cards at home so I needed to get home first to get them and then get to the accident so that Raf could have the insurance card.

They finally arrived and we started up the South Hill to get home. They couldn’t even make it up the hill. It was that slick. All of the cars trying to drive up it were just sliding back down. So we drove a side street for a couple of blocks to try a different street. Same thing. We just could not make it up the hill. It was maddening because Raf was just up at the top of the hill, and and so is my house. We were so close! So we had to drive all the way back to my mom’s house to get thier all-wheel-drive van. In the meantime, Raf is freezing his ass off at the scene of the accident, waiting for the tow truck.

While we were driving back and forth from my mom’s the tow truck finally came and picked up the car. Raf walked home and my mom and stepdad drove me home. The van made it around really good in the snow. We didn’t try to drive up the steep hill, though.

I didn’t get to see the damages to my car. And I didn’t see the people who hit it, either. It’s probably a good thing. I think it would have been too upsetting. And the people who hit my car should be glad I didn’t see them. I would have gone off on them. Even though the streets are really slick, you don’t follow people too close in this weather! I don’t care if you drive an SUV and you think you are safe in your big tank. You still drive carefully.

I’m just really, really glad Raf is okay. It could have been much worse. I mean, a car is just an inanimate thing and it is going to be fixed and everything will be okay in the end. It’s going to be a bitch for awhile with no car, but I don’t think I will be driving in this weather, car or not.