This past week one of my friends compiled on Facebook what she called, The Awesome List. Her husband and son were away and she had some time to herself. So she made a list of all of these kick-ass things to do while they were away. It was fun to see her mark things off her list during the course of the week! And it made me think of my “Awesome List.” I think, unconsciously, I have been doing a version of this. The past few months have been kind of awesome for me because I’ve been exploring new things. Things I’ve been wanting to explore but, for whatever reason, haven’t. Film photography is one of those things! I’ve been meaning to get back into film for awhile. Last year I was even having dreams about it! I am finally pursuing it and I am so happy.

Another thing is that The Mister and I have decided to visit Paris in September. We have never traveled anywhere “big” before. Usually our vacations are about visiting our families in either Spokane or California. Both of us have wanted to travel. We’ve talked and talked about it but have never actually traveled anywhere. A couple of weeks ago Raf sent me a link to a Groupon for a tour of Paris. I was all, “Fuck, yeah. I want to do this.” So we did it. We bought the tickets and now we are going to Paris. I am so incredibly excited, I can’t even tell you. I hope that it is the beginning of lots of similar adventures. I want to see and experience the world. I seriously don’t know what has been preventing us from traveling before.

Isn’t that interesting? It’s like we put ourselves in these fake cages that prevent us from doing the things we really, really want to do. For inexplicable reasons.

I am learning that there is nothing preventing me from doing those things that my heart wants. Nothing. And if I want those experiences I need to just fucking do them. That’s it. It is so simple. Just do the things that you want to do. Not later. Now. Do them now.

It has been so inspiring to see my friend accomplish the things on her “Awesome List.” I want to make one of my own. I say this, yet I am also kind of afraid of doing it because then it would mean that I would really have to DO the things on my list (I know. I am insane).

My friend asked me what is on my Awesome List and here is what I told her:

1. Develop my own film. This is completely doable and easy. I have the perfect place to do this in my own home. The only thing preventing me from doing this is my fear of screwing up.

2. Travel travel travel. I am going to Paris, yes. But I want to also want to see more of the United States. (another thing that is doable).

3. Publish my own, handmade book. My friends, The Habeins, have done this (twice) and they have inspired me. I love the whole idea of the book, itself, as a work of art. Not just the stuff inside the book. The book. So I want to hand-make a run of books that includes my writing and art. Each book would be lovingly bound by yours truly. This is another thing that is totally doable. I have the concept already. I just need to get to work on it.

4. Make Art. The past couple of months I have been  drawn to painting and drawing and doing mixed media. I have always been drawn to making art and being creative in general, being from a family of artists. I even took a drawing class in college. But I’ve never felt like an artist. My mom and my brother were always the artists. I was not. I want to be an artist, dammit! So I am giving myself permission to make crappy art for myself. I don’t care what it looks like or what the outcome is. I’m doing it because it ‘s fun to do. I might show you some of the things I do and I might not. We’ll see.

Here are some things that I would like to do in the next month:

1. Visit underground Portland. This just sounds so cool and I want to do it.

2. Get a manicure. I’ve never done this. (maybe if I have pretty nails I’ll stop biting them)

3. Go on an epic hike. Need to fill in the details there. My friend Susie can help me with that. We are planning something for Monday.

There! It and written and so it shall come to pass.